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Ms. Piggie

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[YYH] The Lines are Drawn [Mar. 7th, 2006|10:43 pm]
Ms. Piggie
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[Feeling |rushedrushed]

Title: The Lines are Drawn
31 Days Theme: March 7th/Hate blows a bubble of despair
Series: YYH
Character: Koenma/Botan
Rating: G
Notes: Writing because I need to get out of my rut. Written for 31_days. This short coming from an epic Koenma/Botan fanfic I haven't got around to writing. Rushed, unrevised, short.

As a ferry girl, Botan wished for a lot of things. Once upon a time, she wished for him. Now, she went to him, knowing that it would never be possible, but hoping, hoping that something could be salvaged.

The storm had let up a little, although it was still fierce - all wind and water that threw her off course and got in her eyes. Even with all her years of flying and fetching souls, getting through the tempest sprung from Koenma's rage took more skill than she thought she had.

The moment he caught sight of her, his aura flared an ice green that nearly blinded her. Instead of jumping off her oar, Botan slipped off the handle like she had as a fledgling flyer. This time, however, there was no prince to mock her into smiling. There was only this brooding ex-lord of Reikai, waiting and silent when he'd once been the opposite.

Botan gathered herself and stood despite the soaking heaviness of her kimono. She'd planned on telling him everything, but now that she was there, all she could mutter was, "It's cold."

"What does the cold matter to a traitor?" Koenma replied, words as sharp as the raindrops still splattering on her.

She shook her head and tried to keep her teeth from chattering. "I didn't know what King Enma was planning, I honestly didn't."

"No more lies." He said, and she fell silent at once. "I'm here because of you, aren't I?"

"I could never betray you-" Botan began to say.

Thunder boomed, and suddenly she was tipping on the balcony's edge, raindrops in her face, Koenma leaning over her, whispering as lightning flashed, "But you did, didn't you?"

The only answer she had was the pain in her heart.

OKAY, I seriously need to sleep now. @_@

[User Picture]From: swollenfoot
2006-03-10 12:38 pm (UTC)
@__@ Gwah, Allisan, I really do want to read the rest of Riven.

This snippet was right on the spot, from the mood to the characterization. The tension was gripping.

(But it cuts off. =P *prods you out of rut* )

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[User Picture]From: nananaginip
2006-03-11 05:12 am (UTC)
*rereads* Yeah, it does cut off, doesn't it? 0_o I have to wonder how on earth you guys manage to do drabbles. I mean, it's so short, how do you wrap everything up so fast?!

I wanna write the rest of Riven too. T_T I gotta swallow my pride and just write the darn thing like I did with this one. To hell with quality, LOL.

Thanks for commenting. *huggles*
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[User Picture]From: swollenfoot
2006-03-11 10:18 am (UTC)
like I said, the drabble/snippet was right on. it's perfect where you cut off because it maximizes the impact of the tension, somehow compartmentalizes it, a bubble of despair... at the same time, it makes you want to read more. =)

=P And I'm not an expert at drabbles. I have the same problem you do. ^^;;;;
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[User Picture]From: nananaginip
2006-03-13 05:55 am (UTC)
*loves Idi*

You do? But it seems like you've got the hang of it perfectly with your previous 31 days stuff. Short but somehow always whole.

You know, I just realized... I think I got the order of lightning and thunder wrong. Lightning flashes first, right? Urghhhhh. That darn "Good is Good" song got me all mixed up. T_T
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